u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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