I'm drive I can fine osifer
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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