I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
