I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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