operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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