Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize