people are starting to question the shark bite story
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
