She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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