He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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