My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
this is an emotional support booty call
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