dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
