Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
