Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
