I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
