Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
