we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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