It's Friday. Sex?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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