Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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