I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The best revenge is premature balding
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How naked do you want me to be?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
