Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize