That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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