i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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