Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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