so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
honey bunches of taint.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
