youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
