There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
