Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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