that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
