I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
