i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
