good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
