i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
