Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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