My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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