im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
