Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
