There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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