just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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