I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
