They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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