Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
