we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
