she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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