one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
