New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
