just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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