Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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