70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
