"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
