i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We have so much sex to catch up on
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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