she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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