my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
