Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i barfeds in our rink
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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