this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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