is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
