Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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