If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
