then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
