So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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