Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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