i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
