through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
