If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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