My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
