I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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