My sheets look like a crime scene.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
