UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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