I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
