look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
