Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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