Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
