I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize