i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
