if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
