Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
