Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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