a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
