dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
