our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
