the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
