Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
