the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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