I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
