I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
