oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize