I wish I only lived at night.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
