new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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