i already hear my dad disowning me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
God I need to hump something, right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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