i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
